Fanaa

From the trailer of Fanaa

Tere dil mein meri saanson ko panah mil jaaye
Tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye

Hope my eyes find shade in your heart,
Hope my life extinguishes in your love.

Rone de aaj humko, tu aankhe sujane de
Baahon mein le le aur khud ko bheeg jaane de
Hai jo seene mein kaid dariya, woh choot jaayega
Hai itna dard ki tera daman bheeg jaayega

Let me cry today, let my eyes heave
Take me into your arms and let yourself get wet
The sea caught in my heart will free itself
So much pain that it will wet your dress

Adhoori saans thi, dhadkan adhoori thi, adhoore hum,
magar ab chand poora hai falak pe
Aur ab poore hain hum

'Twas an incomplete breath, half a heart beat, I was incomplete,
But now the moon is full, and now I am complete

Fanaa is the story of a blind Kashmiri girl Zooni Ali Beg (Kajol) who falls in love with Rehan Qadri (Aamir Khan), only to find that there is a side of him that he's hid from her, a side so dangerous that it will obliterate her.

Beautiful lines. Waiting for Fanaa ... destroyed in love ...

The Psycho Moment: Engagement - Hilarious

This is from Craigslist. The original text can be found here.

Some years have passed, so I can talk about this now.

Many many moons ago, I started dating this very cool girl. We hit it off right away, had lots in common, she was smart, agressive, cool and funny. And hot. Really hot.

So we dated for a while, which became a year, then nearly two. I figured she was it. We worked together on decisions, but I followed my passions and she followed hers - both career professionals, both creative, and both ready to kick this town for a Carribean cottage if the thought ever struck us. Adventure. Romance. Lots of Sex. All was right with my world.

So I did what I figured I should do - I went out shopping for a diamond ring.

That was the biggest mistake I ever made.

I can't really put my finger on the exact change, but over the years, I've cometo summarize it this way: I went from being the guy she loved and wanted to marry to the guy who didn't match up with her fantasy about getting married, in about 24 hours.

She started acting as if I was completely incapable of making any decisons on my own, in spite of the evidence to the contrary. She criticized everything I did. She tried to make me look like some idiot, Homer Simpson type. Now, I'm not splitting atoms in the basement or anything, but I was Fulbright kid for a year and graduated cum laude, and I have a tendency to avoid dumb shit like telemarking scams, computer viruses, STD's and, well, white slavery rings. Let's just say I'm no Homer.

Then the wedding planning started, and HO LEE SHIT. We were doing alright, for sure, but she had put together about a 45K day for us in a matter of a week or two. When I objected to some ridiculous expense (bunting? WTF?), I was told I was wrong, or "didn't know what I was talking about" and, unless I wanted a big fight, I shut up right there. Trust me, when I balked at the cost of flowers, I was nearly decapitated.

Nearly all of this, I was told, was "What she always wanted".

Well, I always wanted 15 playboy bunnies oiled up on a water bed in the horniest state known to womankind, which I think might have actually cost LESS, but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to happen.

I hit the ceiling when I saw the guestlist. 225. I barely know 225 people, let alone want to feed them and watch them get drunk while my savings account cries to me over the phone "You have ZERO dollars and 22 cents". Who is this? That? A bartender you know? I don't even LIKE that girl!

One night, I told her this: You know what, you're going to have about as much fun, possibly more, if I don't show up at this thing.

She laughed.

So I bailed. Yup, I packed my shit and hit the door, a good 4 months prior to the date of my pre-planned, ever-priced, heavily adorned demise. I called it off, packed my shit and left. And I have never looked back.

Oh, we had a big talk. It was about as much fun as you'd expect. I got my hair blown back for an hour or so, but I was already numb. She'd been yelling at me about this and that for so long, I couldn't tell anymore when she was mad or not.

Maybe the hardest part was that I was having incredible sucess, in lots of things, while all this was happening. Musically, professionaly - things were really coming together for me. And she couldn't be pleased. In the end, it's her loss, but I've always wondered what the fuck she was thinking.

The moral to this story?

Engagement Ring - $3800.00 (never got it back)
Non-Refundable Deposits - $5200.00 (all my money)
Moving Expenses - $750.00
Being Single again - Priceless.

Lessons from the Sea

The Sea has always been something we, humans, have always been mystified about. What lies within the limitless blue is something most of us do not understand or even know very well. Poseidon, Neptune, Varuna - all try to capture its behaviour in some form - but I guess they all fail to do full justice to it. And every visit to the Sea can teach you numerous things - about the Sea, about life, about yourself.

Shankarpur Beach (here and here) is a very small beach. Not crowded, very few people. A great coastline lined by trees after the sand finishes. The sand is very fine - almost clay. As a result the water carries a lot of it, very very salty and somewhat dirty.

We went there very early in the morning, 13 of us, to beat the heat. A four hour stay at the beach.

Was a lot of fun - fighting the waves. Riding the waves. A lot of times, you would be aware and ready for the wave, and be able to jump at the right moment, maintain your balance, trudge ahead. But can we fight the waves all the time, ride them? Can we tame life everytime? Many times, it would come from behind you, catch you unawares, leave you grappling under the water, clutching at sand. Holding on to something, which itself has nothing to hold on to. Many times, you just have to act prudent, not venture too far, since if you did, and then the sea decided to show you who is stronger, you won't even find sand under your feet to hold on to.

And how can you hold on to anything in the sea? Try standing along the shore with ankle or knee deep water, and let the waves come at you. When the wave comes, its always a great feeling, it brings water to you, water - which is essential for life. And when the same water recedes, it draws out the sand from under the sea. Your feet keep gripping the sand, and the sea draws everything around it. When the water goes away, you are left standing on some sand, which your weight kept in place, and all around it is a deep moat. The sea has taken the ground beneath your feet, around your feet, left your feet groping for the terra firma it so well knows. The next wave will again bring sand and fill the moat again, and then the water will recede and leave you standing in your castle. Life just goes on this way.

But if you were to keep standing in one place, the sea washing away the ground beneath you, leaving you on wet sand - which doesn't belong to anybody. Gradually it will wash away more and more. The sea will do it interminably. The ground beneath you will become weaker and weaker. Until you lose balance and fall. The sea knows no mercy for people who remain stuck at one place.

The trick is to keep walking.

Water under the Bridge

A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since I last posted... Heck, it was on Jan 20, almost two months ago... Two mighty long months!

And as life has moved through and around narrow channels, big stones, mighty mountains, a weeping sea, it has taken a strange flavour - bland, completely bland.

Thrills are gone, excitement no more, fun is a past, laughter seems distant. It has been a really long time.

However, there have been moments of joy, cheer, happiness... things that have kept me going, running in seemingly no particular direction, but still, running!

There have been contests to win, activities to do, assignments to complete, products to deliver, teams to cheer, but at the end of it all, there is no emotion. Life's become tasteless.

It will, inshallah, change.