Fanaa

From the trailer of Fanaa

Tere dil mein meri saanson ko panah mil jaaye
Tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye

Hope my eyes find shade in your heart,
Hope my life extinguishes in your love.

Rone de aaj humko, tu aankhe sujane de
Baahon mein le le aur khud ko bheeg jaane de
Hai jo seene mein kaid dariya, woh choot jaayega
Hai itna dard ki tera daman bheeg jaayega

Let me cry today, let my eyes heave
Take me into your arms and let yourself get wet
The sea caught in my heart will free itself
So much pain that it will wet your dress

Adhoori saans thi, dhadkan adhoori thi, adhoore hum,
magar ab chand poora hai falak pe
Aur ab poore hain hum

'Twas an incomplete breath, half a heart beat, I was incomplete,
But now the moon is full, and now I am complete

Fanaa is the story of a blind Kashmiri girl Zooni Ali Beg (Kajol) who falls in love with Rehan Qadri (Aamir Khan), only to find that there is a side of him that he's hid from her, a side so dangerous that it will obliterate her.

Beautiful lines. Waiting for Fanaa ... destroyed in love ...

The Psycho Moment: Engagement - Hilarious

This is from Craigslist. The original text can be found here.

Some years have passed, so I can talk about this now.

Many many moons ago, I started dating this very cool girl. We hit it off right away, had lots in common, she was smart, agressive, cool and funny. And hot. Really hot.

So we dated for a while, which became a year, then nearly two. I figured she was it. We worked together on decisions, but I followed my passions and she followed hers - both career professionals, both creative, and both ready to kick this town for a Carribean cottage if the thought ever struck us. Adventure. Romance. Lots of Sex. All was right with my world.

So I did what I figured I should do - I went out shopping for a diamond ring.

That was the biggest mistake I ever made.

I can't really put my finger on the exact change, but over the years, I've cometo summarize it this way: I went from being the guy she loved and wanted to marry to the guy who didn't match up with her fantasy about getting married, in about 24 hours.

She started acting as if I was completely incapable of making any decisons on my own, in spite of the evidence to the contrary. She criticized everything I did. She tried to make me look like some idiot, Homer Simpson type. Now, I'm not splitting atoms in the basement or anything, but I was Fulbright kid for a year and graduated cum laude, and I have a tendency to avoid dumb shit like telemarking scams, computer viruses, STD's and, well, white slavery rings. Let's just say I'm no Homer.

Then the wedding planning started, and HO LEE SHIT. We were doing alright, for sure, but she had put together about a 45K day for us in a matter of a week or two. When I objected to some ridiculous expense (bunting? WTF?), I was told I was wrong, or "didn't know what I was talking about" and, unless I wanted a big fight, I shut up right there. Trust me, when I balked at the cost of flowers, I was nearly decapitated.

Nearly all of this, I was told, was "What she always wanted".

Well, I always wanted 15 playboy bunnies oiled up on a water bed in the horniest state known to womankind, which I think might have actually cost LESS, but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to happen.

I hit the ceiling when I saw the guestlist. 225. I barely know 225 people, let alone want to feed them and watch them get drunk while my savings account cries to me over the phone "You have ZERO dollars and 22 cents". Who is this? That? A bartender you know? I don't even LIKE that girl!

One night, I told her this: You know what, you're going to have about as much fun, possibly more, if I don't show up at this thing.

She laughed.

So I bailed. Yup, I packed my shit and hit the door, a good 4 months prior to the date of my pre-planned, ever-priced, heavily adorned demise. I called it off, packed my shit and left. And I have never looked back.

Oh, we had a big talk. It was about as much fun as you'd expect. I got my hair blown back for an hour or so, but I was already numb. She'd been yelling at me about this and that for so long, I couldn't tell anymore when she was mad or not.

Maybe the hardest part was that I was having incredible sucess, in lots of things, while all this was happening. Musically, professionaly - things were really coming together for me. And she couldn't be pleased. In the end, it's her loss, but I've always wondered what the fuck she was thinking.

The moral to this story?

Engagement Ring - $3800.00 (never got it back)
Non-Refundable Deposits - $5200.00 (all my money)
Moving Expenses - $750.00
Being Single again - Priceless.

Lessons from the Sea

The Sea has always been something we, humans, have always been mystified about. What lies within the limitless blue is something most of us do not understand or even know very well. Poseidon, Neptune, Varuna - all try to capture its behaviour in some form - but I guess they all fail to do full justice to it. And every visit to the Sea can teach you numerous things - about the Sea, about life, about yourself.

Shankarpur Beach (here and here) is a very small beach. Not crowded, very few people. A great coastline lined by trees after the sand finishes. The sand is very fine - almost clay. As a result the water carries a lot of it, very very salty and somewhat dirty.

We went there very early in the morning, 13 of us, to beat the heat. A four hour stay at the beach.

Was a lot of fun - fighting the waves. Riding the waves. A lot of times, you would be aware and ready for the wave, and be able to jump at the right moment, maintain your balance, trudge ahead. But can we fight the waves all the time, ride them? Can we tame life everytime? Many times, it would come from behind you, catch you unawares, leave you grappling under the water, clutching at sand. Holding on to something, which itself has nothing to hold on to. Many times, you just have to act prudent, not venture too far, since if you did, and then the sea decided to show you who is stronger, you won't even find sand under your feet to hold on to.

And how can you hold on to anything in the sea? Try standing along the shore with ankle or knee deep water, and let the waves come at you. When the wave comes, its always a great feeling, it brings water to you, water - which is essential for life. And when the same water recedes, it draws out the sand from under the sea. Your feet keep gripping the sand, and the sea draws everything around it. When the water goes away, you are left standing on some sand, which your weight kept in place, and all around it is a deep moat. The sea has taken the ground beneath your feet, around your feet, left your feet groping for the terra firma it so well knows. The next wave will again bring sand and fill the moat again, and then the water will recede and leave you standing in your castle. Life just goes on this way.

But if you were to keep standing in one place, the sea washing away the ground beneath you, leaving you on wet sand - which doesn't belong to anybody. Gradually it will wash away more and more. The sea will do it interminably. The ground beneath you will become weaker and weaker. Until you lose balance and fall. The sea knows no mercy for people who remain stuck at one place.

The trick is to keep walking.

Water under the Bridge

A lot of water has flowed under the bridge since I last posted... Heck, it was on Jan 20, almost two months ago... Two mighty long months!

And as life has moved through and around narrow channels, big stones, mighty mountains, a weeping sea, it has taken a strange flavour - bland, completely bland.

Thrills are gone, excitement no more, fun is a past, laughter seems distant. It has been a really long time.

However, there have been moments of joy, cheer, happiness... things that have kept me going, running in seemingly no particular direction, but still, running!

There have been contests to win, activities to do, assignments to complete, products to deliver, teams to cheer, but at the end of it all, there is no emotion. Life's become tasteless.

It will, inshallah, change.

Last four books

The Google Story

By David A. Vise and Mark Malseed

I really liked reading the books, for one, being the story of the most exciting technology company in the world today, and also for the unconventional way in which Larry and Sergey built their gem - right from the logo, to hard disk boxes built out of lego kits, their 'dont be evil' motto, the way they pitted Kleiner Perkins Caulfield and Byers and Sequoia Capital against each other to get all their venture investment without having to let go of their voting rights, their conventional Dutch-auction based IPO, ... well, the list could go on. However, one thing I really appreciated in the book and the story is that it shows you how excellence always goes rewarded - people are suckers for good products and they would not mind using it even if you don't spend a nickel on advertising your brand. It goes to show that the pursuit of excellence can transcend all the other little things that corporate strategists worry about. My biggest takeaway from the book!

Link

Split Second

By David Baldacci

The usual Baldacci - very high on secret service stuff. The story of two Secret Service Agents who are protecting Presidential Candidates. One of them dies in the custody of Agent Sean King, and ten years later another gets abducted while Michelle Maxwell is in charge of his security. The two cases, although separated by ten odd years have a lot in common, and King and Maxwell discover them as they get together to find out what happened in the Split Second in which they lost their concentration which cost them their jobs.

Link

Digital Fortress

By Dan Brown

A BIG LET DOWN! I just can not believe its the same guy who wrote Da Vinci Code! The plot is Okay, but somehow, Brown has over-dramatized it in most places. He tries to unnecessary suspence where it is neither expected nor desirable. A suspence while running a computer command can probably be appreciated in a movie, but never in a book - not at least in the way Brown has written it. The story revolves around the National Security Agency and a new unbreakable algorithm codenamed 'Digital Fortress'. In most places, it seems more like a Hindi movie where things happen more by co-incidence rather than the protagonist having to try anything hard for it!

Link

Sam's Letters to Jennifer

By James Patterson

Liked this book - its about Jennifer whose Grandmother is in a coma, and when Jennifer goes to meet her at Lake Geneva near Chicago, she discovers her grandmom - whom she is really attached to - has left behind letters writing about her furtive romance. Jenny herself is recovering from the death of her loved one, and finds a new love at the banks of the river. However, she is in for a huge shock!
The book was different from the usual Grisham-Archer-Baldacci-Rowling variety I usually end up reading - a nice change.

Link

Blood Memory

By Greg Iles

Back to the usual - murder mystery. Cat Ferry is a forensic odontologist (teeth), and gets imbroiled in a serial killing case, where the killer seems to be targetting old men, which is odd because most sexually-motivated serial killers target women or children. At the same time, she is grappling with a boyfriend who is not firm in his commitment, and her own past where she had to undergo some very bad times as a child, including the death of her father, an 'Nam veteran, when she was just eight. She discovers some blood stains in her childhood home, and get her started on a new quest for the truth. She is in for a great shock as she discovers that the two cases are interlinked, and that her family has not exactly been very truthful about what happened on that fateful night. A very quick read despite its 500 odd pages!

Link

Oops! That's five [:D]

Shit Happens

• Taoism: Shit happens.
  
• Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
• Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
  
• Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
  
• Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
  
• Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
  
• Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
  
• Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
  
• Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
  
• Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
  
• Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
  
• Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
  
• Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
  
• Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
  
• Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
  
• Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
  
• Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
  
• Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
  
• Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
  
• Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
  
• Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
  
• Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
  
• Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
  
• Creationism: God made all shit.
  
• Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
  
• Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
  
• Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
  
• Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
  
• Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
  
• Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
  
• Darwinism: This shit was once food.
  
• Capitalism: That's MY shit.
  
• Communism: It's everybody's shit.
  
• Feminism: Men are shit.
  
• Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
  
• Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
  
• Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
  
• Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
  
• Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
  
• Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
  
• Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
  
• Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
  
• Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
  
• Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
  
• Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
  
• Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
  
• Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
  
• Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
  
• Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
  
• Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
  
• Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
  
• Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
  
• Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
  
• Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
  
• Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
  
• Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
  
• Atheism: What shit?
  
• Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
  
• Nihilism: No shit.
  
  
• And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
  
  

Source: The Jay Walker

Jobless?

No more :D

When Time Stands Still

There are some moments in our lives when Time slows into a stand still. When you want to arrest its advance. When you want the moments to live forever. When you want to archive every thought, every feeling, every word said and heard. When you want to document all you did. When you know that the sempiternal emotions are the best you have ever felt. When you want the sanguine mood to survive all your life. When you are in a delirium because your deepest desires turn into reality. When your endorphins get you into a high and you want to stay intoxicated. When you know you climbed the mountain and instead of beginning the downward journey, you jumped up and touched the clouds. When you know that the soaring has only begun and you can only go higher. When you know a new and exciting journey has just started. When you know you will forever remember how it all began. When it is all so precious you want to write everything down in letters of gold.

But at the same time, you begin to wonder at its speed - how fast it has flown. When you realize that it was not long ago when you were a completely different person. When you had braced yourself for years of effort. When it turns out to be only a matter of days. When it only takes one moment to change everything, one moment which comes out of the blue could hold power to steer your life in a new direction.

And, re-assured in the strength of time, you decide to let time take its own course, for you are so high on Pollyannaism that you know that nothing can go wrong. And what is destined will happen.

One with Nature

I always tell people that one of the greatest advantages of living in a bucolic sleepy town like Kharagpur is that you learn to be one with nature. Sample of the reasons why:

• I have this great lizard friend of mine, who shares my room. Even though I had always wanted a single room for myself (and thankfully got one), I really don't mind my lizard room mate around. We have shared good and bad times together and tried to help each other in times of difficulty - I keep my room dirty just so that my lizard friend can get lots of mosquitoes to eat, and my lizard friend binges on them (she is pretty corporeal) so that they don't suck my own blood - now that is what is called a symbiotic relationship! [I haven't exactly tried to check her gender around but it feels good to be sharing a room with a female ;-)]
• I have been very generous to a lot of ants and have let them make a nest in my keyboard. Needless to say that my keyboard proved to be a very fertile mating ground for them, and there are umpteen numbers of ants always trying to crawl out of my keyboard. Of course, there is some amount of selfish interest involved because it helps me closely observe the intricacies of Ant Colony Optimization. Strangely, my own lassitude in buying a new keyboard is more a manifestation of my concern for the poor ant families than anything else [read: empty wallets] :-D
  
• I was talking to this very senior researchers from one of the top CS Research labs in the country, and happened to ask him how his trip had been. He said that it had been great except for these two frogs who had been sitting in a corner of the room of his associate only to pounce on him in the dead of the night. Poor guy could not sleep all night! I could only wish he had stayed in Kharagpur for some more time. He probably wished it away when another guy casually remarked that this frog friend of his had shared his room all of his first year, and they lived happily, each occupying their share of the room and not bothering the other.
  
• I still remember when I had to descend the stairs in my first year (for lack of water in my first floor bathroom) for my ablutions. I remember sitting on the toilet seat (there not being any newspaper to enjoy) once in a while only to find a frog staring at me! And we would just keep staring at each other, until I finished and went away and he waited for his next guest!
  
• The researcher asked me about bigger animals we can find here and the conversation happened to come to snakes. Now, Kharagpur has lots of snakes and once in a while you can see them ambling around in their typical serpentine fashion. We explained to him that here in Kharagpur, snakes have the right of way, just as pedestrians do in America. When you see a snake crossing the road in front of you, you just wait till it goes away. Fair enough!
• Not to speak of the umpteen number of dogs who have made out hostels their kennels. In their mating season, one can often see them howling around trying to find a mate, and then you see this huge litter of small little puppies, who will serve another generation of students as their faithful pet dogs.
• Then again, in the mess, we can often feel our very own kittens juggling around under our feet.
  
• The numerous number of bovines who graze our lawns (is that the right word?) and bless our pavements with their ... erm... well... blessings!
• The love-owls flying around the campus at night (you really can't call them birds, aren't they supposed to sleep at night?) strictly in pairs.
  
• And who can forget our very own IITians, the wierdest species of men (and a handful fo women) present in the world!
  

If you can think of any more, let me know, I will add to the list.

UPDATE:
On popular demand, I am adding a few more which I had overlooked:

• In case of most Kgpians, only the bottom six-and-a-half feet of their room is theirs - the upper half is arachnid territory. Most of us probably do not even look at at their ceilings, or even if they do, they don't get a very clear view of it, hidden as it is behind a nebula of spider-web. Well, we find our own use of it - it helps our very own house lizard to keep our room clear of all mosquitoes. [All-Out and Goodnight manufacturers would probably call for censorship of this post.]
• Then we have our very own special breed of insects - little green bastards, or LGBs as we call them. They come every year when they are least wanted, cover all lights with their menace for a few weeks, and finally go away with Diwali. Apart from illumination, the one reason we celebrate Diwali in this part of the country is that we are finally saved from the torture caused by the LGBs; it is not very common to find a couple of them making a beeling for your mouth, year, nose, or even your food.
• Before I forget, we have these wonderful friends of ours from the insect family, which makes us really reflective when we see Men In Black - bugs. I will not talk about them, but rather direct you to a very well written piece about their utility, courtesy Sunny.
  

Intent and Expressions

Expressions are a certificate of what you intend to do (mostly).

I may have all the right intentions but if I give all the wrong signals to somebody, there is no way how that person would take me in the right spirit.

Well meant but not well done is just not good enough!